Thursday, January 26, 2006

Welcome To The Club

CLUB'S MOTTO: Stupid is as stupid does.


My family has (please pick one of the following):




http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=ostracize





Main Entry:
ostracize
Part of Speech:
verb
Definition:
banish
Synonyms:
avoid, blackball, blacklist, boycott, cast out, cold-shoulder, cut, deport, ding, displace, drop, exclude, excommunicate, exile, expatriate, expel, expulse, ice out, oust, reject, shun, shut out, snub, throw out





me and Angi. It all started several weeks ago, nearly a month, in fact. My dad emailed me, and only me, because he knows he has a certain power over me. He emailed me, and he said, and then we (meaning me AND Angi) said, and then he said, and than we said, and then...........you get the idea of where I am going with this.


Here is what my dad sent us on Jan. 8:


[____been trying to reach you again. without sucess. wondering how you are feeling. and how angi and the babies are. i don't think a call once a week is out of line. do you? especially if we have been paying the cell bill which we won" be doing much longer if we never hear from you and cant get hold of you either.hope you are felling better love dad____]




Here is what we replied with:





[____Well see here is the thing. We get busy with the kids and as a family. If us being a busy is too much for you to handle then by all means take back the phone. I personally feel like you guys have forgot that we are ADULTS and PARENTS and if we CHOOSE to speak to you then great and if we don't then ya know we have that right. Matt has been sick I have been sick the kids well they are just 2 nuff said.If we had known that the cell phones had rules and obligations then we would have never taken them. We were under the impression that you had got them for us for the safety of the children while I was out with them. But if is just to keep a GPS on us then we don't want them either.It gets real annoying when you treat matt like achild and by default I get treated that way as well. I think it's bout time you get the hint we don't want you two up our butt's. We enjoy our personal space. We more than welcome you guys spending time with the children as grandparents but you are making that even hard on us with these Emails and comments you make.You and I have a unspoken understanding I think of what you can and can't say to me. SO you try to corner Matt and Boss him. As if he is gonna listen to thing you say to him. The only thing this does is push him farther away from you. I think it's time you understand he is a grown man and if he wants your advice he will ask for it.I know this was to Matt but he wanted me to see and to respond. We are tried of this and it must change to order to have healthy realtionship.Angi____]








Here is what dad replied with:







[____Hey, you need to step back, cool off and reread what I wrote and what you wrote. I don't think I said anything out of line and I'm not trying to boss anybody. I was just wondering how my son was feeling as he told us he had whooping cough and that is pretty serious I thought. So was wondering you and the babies could catch it. I don't think your reply to me was warranted or deserved and that's all I have to say. By the way, I'm doing fine and so is your father the last time I called them, thanks for asking. love dad____]





And then on Jan. the 9th, we sent mom and dad this:




[____Me and Angi was wondering if you guys are coming this weekend. I got sent home early tonight because I Ralph Buicked everywhere, BUT , I am sure I will be better by then.


LOVE,

Matt, Ang____]







Well, we heve heard absolutely nothing from anyone since then. (Check that) My mom text messaged me a few days before my dad's birthday, which was on the 14th. She said exactly this:


[____dads birthday is on saturday____]



To which I replied:



[____I know. Are you having a party?

Love,
Matt____]







To which she replied:


[____dont know____]





So, I left it at that. A couple days before dad's birthday, I text messaged mom again:


[____Are you giving dad a party? I have 2 work on sat. for 4 hours.

Love, Matt____]




I was hoping we might MAYBE go to his party if he was having one, and Angi was like HELL NO!! And then mom replied:


[____doubt it____]





Last Saturday was my dad's birthday, and after work (toilet paper day), I called and left a message on their machine, and then I text messaged him also. Since then we have heard nothing. No calls, emails, texts, or anything at ALL. I text messaged mom the other day, it was this exactly:



[____Hi mom. WE LOVE YOU.____]


I recieved no response. After about a half hour I emailed her this also:


[____We never said you could not see the kids. up 2 you. we love you mom.____]



Yet again, no response. I made sure and did that when I knew she would be at work. And that was a couple of days ago.



--------FAST FORWARD TO TODAY--------


(technically yesterday)




Me and my Granny (my mom's mom) were text messaging back and forth while I was on break at work. She replied and I replied and blah, blah, blah. But then, I never heard from her again either. My last email to her was this, and she never replied, and I have yet to here from her since then:



[________Sorry, if the text messages cost you ANYTHING AT ALL, PLEASE, let me know, I will pay you back, or maybe I can make a donation to your camping fund???


I didn't know if you got my last message, I remember your last one was that you can't recieve pictures, and I was not sending one, so I don't know why your phone thought my phone was sending one, but I assure you I was not because I remember you telling me that before. Sorry about that!! Also, recently I got a page from Aunt Joyce, so I think my phone is screwy, because I really doubt she would call me for anything!!!


ANYWAYS-----

Here is what I sent you exactly, after you said that mom should not pay for dad's mistakes, (which you are absolutely right, and I fully agree with you).



____


We told her 2 come and see the kids whenever she wants 2. all we want is dad 2 act like a decent human being. regardless we both have said they can see the kids, my only one hope is she will get a divorce. know that whatever my dad has told you is probably a lie. i have NO problem with mom @ all. i love you and papaw with all my heart. i love mom. i wish she would stop drinking and get her freedom from dad. if this is costing you at all, please let me pay you back.

____



So there you have it. Angi emailed dad, and it had NOTHING to do with mom in any way, shape or form. I have tried talking to her, but so far, no dice. There is nothing I can do. Angi typed it, I read it after she typed it, and added some stuff, and hit send. All these years of dad being a jerk to everyone (you should know of all people), and SOMEONE finally puts him in his place, because I do not have the guts too, and everyone is mad at Angi??????!!!!!!! I don't get it at all.


I told mom they can see the kids whenever. If they choose not too, they can blame themselves as far as I am concerned. I am done with dad. Maybe he should take another 3 months off of work for mental anguish.


I have not forgotten about the software CD I am trying to give you a copy of, I still can't find it. I just wanted to let you know, I have not forgotten.
Like I said, I LOVE you and papaw with all my heart. I hope you guys are doing good. Are you?????????



LOVE YOU!
MATT________]




And AFTER I sent that, I sent her copies of the original email messages that Angi and I sent dad, and dad replied with, and Dad's original email that started everything. I soon found out that on one of the messages, I accidentally sent one to dad INSTEAD of Granny. Dad got it, when I intended it for Granny. OOOPPPPSSSSSS!!!!!!! I sent dad this email, when it was intended for GRANNY:





[________ here is the one we sent to dad:

Well see here is the thing. We get busy with the kids and as a family. If us being a busy is too much for you to handle then by all means take back the phone. I personally feel like you guys have forgot that we are ADULTS and PARENTS and if we CHOOSE to speak to you then great and if we don't then ya know we have that right. Matt has been sick I have been sick the kids well they are just 2 nuff said.If we had known that the cell phones had rules and obligations then we would have never taken them. We were under the impression that you had got them for us for the safety of the children while I was out with them. But if is just to keep a GPS on us then we don't want them either.It gets real annoying when you treat matt like achild and by default I get treated that way as well. I think it's bout time you get the hint we don't want you two up our butt's. We enjoy our personal space. We more than welcome you guys spending time with the children as grandparents but you are making that even hard on us with these Emails and comments you make.You and I have a unspoken understanding I think of what you can and can't say to me. SO you try to corner Matt and Boss him. As if he is gonna listen to thing you say to him. The only thing this does is push him farther away from you. I think it's time you understand he is a grown man and if he wants your advice he will ask for it.I know this was to Matt but he wanted me to see and to respond. We are tried of this and it must change to order to have healthy realtionship.Angi________]



Well, I about threw up when I realized that I sent it to dad instead of granny, because I knew that he was already super pissed (imagine that) from when we sent it the FIRST TIME TO HIM, NOT TO MENTION NOW AGAIN, so I had an idea that he would reply with vengence. So, after I got home from work, I saw two messages in my INBOX from dad. I was really nervous just SEEING them in my inbox. I was getting stomach pains, and here comes the anxiety attack, I just about threw up. Here are the two I recieved from dad:




[________
I read this crap once and once was more than enough. By the way, everyone you know also read it, Granny, Papaw, Jimmy, Keith, Glenda, Granddad, Richard, Brian, Uncle Ed & Aunt Joyce. I have something to say to both of you about it but it will be face to face. You will need to come here for that and to pick up your Christmas stuff so we can clean up the guest room. I won't be visiting your house again because you say it causes you stress when I visit so you will have to come here. Mom may come if she wants, when it is convenient for you but I can say you have caused her much sorrow and she hasn't been in the mood for coming up there lately. I will have something to say about that as well. Since you continue to send this thoughtless garbage,
this mailbox will now be closed to you so send all correspondence to Teresa's please. ________]






[________I read this crap once and once was more than enough. By the way, everyone you know also read it, Granny, Papaw, Jimmy, Keith, Glenda, Granddad, Richard, Brian, Uncle Ed & Aunt Joyce, etc. They were sent the whole correspondence within minuets of me receiving it. Everything I wrote and everything you and Angi wrote. Unedited just the way it was sent. Not the censured crap you sent to Granny. She has read both and agrees that your last one was edited. Then you say I have been telling lies?Don't think so and neither does anyone else. Everything you send to everyone, email, text message by phone, I get to read. They save it for me. I didn't ask them to or even want them to but unlike you, they all love me and feel for me and your mother because of the way you two have been acting. The reason I sent and continue to send them our correspondence is I value their opinion because they offer an honest and unbiased opinion. I have something to say to both of you about all this but it will be face to face. You will need to come here for that and to pick up your Christmas stuff so we can clean up the guest room. I won't be visiting your house again because you say it causes you stress when I visit so you will have to come here. Because you see, no matter what you say or think about me, I am your father and I love you and always will no matter how bad you try to hurt me and I don't want to cause you stress or any other sort of pain. I helped give you life and you lived in my house for 19 years and will always love you even if you continue to try and hurt me. Mom may come if she wants to and it is convenient for you but I can say you have caused her much sorrow and she hasn't been in the mood for coming up there lately. I will have something to say about that as well.
Nobody here wants to "checkup on you" or try to "control you". You had told us you had been sick and we hadn't heard anything from either of you so we tried to call you. For two weeks straight. Without success on all 3 of your phones. SO we were worried about you as any parent would. Sure you get busy sometimes. Everyone does. But to deliberately not answer messages for two weeks is just being rude. The reason you haven't heard from us is because you hurt us and insulted us and just wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine. Now I could say as you did that we are adults and will talk to you if we choose to but I don't do crap like that. Besides that, how can you send me hate mail and then say happy birthday, love....? We were gone all day Saturday and didn't get home until late in the evening so I didn't get your message until late. Since you continue to send this garbage, this mailbox will now be closed to you so send all correspondence to Teresa's please. Also because you don't call us on the phones we provided and because you are now abusing them by the crap you have been sending to your Granny, your phone service will be ended. The reason she didn't answer your last message was because it was bull shit just like the trash you sent here that until now, I haven't answered. The phones are paid for and belong to you. If you are concerned about safety for Angi and the babies while they are on the road as I was, then you can pay for and restore your service on your own. Perhaps you will appreciate them if you have to pay for them. I won't continue to pay for them while you heap abuse on me. Although Mom did get a laugh about that part where you said you wished "she would free herself from my control". We are not the Borg. We are individuals, separate entities. We both respect and value each others option but live out our lives the way we wish to neither one has any control over the other nor do we wish to. That's one of the reasons we have stayed together for 28 years. Can you say the same?
Everyone in your household is always welcome here at anytime. After you listen to my lecture about all this, you will have your say and then hopefully we will put it behind us and move on but that will depend on you. If you can ever overcome you hate for me then it should be possible to have a normal relationship. If not then we will always have friction. Granny's parents were alcoholics when she was growing up. They treated her and Aunt Joyce horribly but she never once talked to them the way you two have talked to me because she loved them and always had respect for them. My parents were very abusive. Both physically and mentally. But I never hated them and never talked to them that way because I have respect for them. Something neither one of you have. You will not however talk to me that way. My parents, Granny's parents and me and your Mother did the best we could. Parenting doesn't come with instructions. Glenda wanted me to tell you that. So a child either learns to forgive the mistakes and love their parents for what they are and for trying or they forge hate and the unreleased hate consumes them. I remain your Loving Father ________]






Stupid is as stupid does. Who needs enemies when you have family? Or should I say............







HAD.








Welcome to the club.

10 Comments:

Blogger Just Help Me said...

OH MATT I AM SO SORRY!! HALF THE REASON I LEFT OHIO WAS TO GET AWAY FROM MY PARENTS!! SO I SO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON THERE. I KNOW THE PAIN, THE MISERY, THE ANGER ETC. I WON'T GO INTO IT ALL HERE CEPT TO SAY I SO UNDERSTAND YOU ANGI!! ON ANOTHER NOTE MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO WHAT WE DID AND MOVE TO AZ!!!! GREAT FAMILY ATMOSPHERE WHERE WE LIVE!!! AND THE BONUS - MY PARENTS DON'T LIVE HERE!! LOL

Thu Jan 26, 11:00:00 AM EST  
Blogger Lynda said...

Wow! Just...Wow!

I think it sounded like there were obligations. Email slip-ups also suck.

We moved to Indiana in part to escape my MIL. Unfortunately, she followed us here. But time away might do some good.

Thu Jan 26, 12:44:00 PM EST  
Blogger Lynda said...

obligations with the phones, that is.

Thu Jan 26, 12:44:00 PM EST  
Blogger ONE HOT MAMA said...

YEP! This is sadly everyday drama. His dad has been like this for as long as I have known him. I just had enough. Sounds like my sweet hubby has as well. That's the sucky part is this hurts him. I want to make it better but I just can't undo what he has done. I probally could have worded the stuff I said a bit nicer by hey, I meant every bit of it. There is actually one other Email I sent after the frist one that is prablly worse that this one. We don't have a copy of it tho.

Thu Jan 26, 01:16:00 PM EST  
Blogger Nonsensicallyingenius said...

Wow. That's got to be pretty rough to have to go through stuff like that with your own family! If you can't fall back on them, who can you fall back on?! Well, at least you have your wife. She seems like a really good woman!

Thu Jan 26, 10:36:00 PM EST  
Blogger JUST A MOM said...

OHHHH MATTTTT !!!!!!!!

Fri Jan 27, 12:32:00 AM EST  
Blogger Walking Contradiction said...

YEP, my Difey is a kepper!!!!

Fri Jan 27, 01:48:00 AM EST  
Blogger Walking Contradiction said...

or maybe a keeper.

Fri Jan 27, 01:54:00 AM EST  
Blogger Walking Contradiction said...

no, she is most definantly a kepper.

Fri Jan 27, 02:16:00 AM EST  
Blogger JUST A MOM said...

OK THIS IS BACK A FEW DAYS,,, BUT I CAME HERE FOR A REASON,,,, I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU TWO!! HANG TOUGH. GETTING RID OF A CONTROLIGN PARENT IS VERY HARD,, HANG TOUGH!!!

Sat Jan 28, 07:53:00 PM EST  

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